sat there in a state of despair wondering if Bobby was going to come back. I couldn't go look for him, I would have to sit and wait for him. I was so fucked!

The longer I sat the more upset I got. There was nothing I could do to take it back and nothing I could say to Bobby to make it better. I just kept rethinking it over and over.

Then I realized I had to go pee. I started for the bathroom, but then remembered I had to use the back yard. I reached for a pair of shorts and then remembered I was not allowed to wear them. I headed out and downstairs. As I went through the kitchen, Jase was there. Feeling as bad as I did and full of self loathing, I didn't look up or acknowledge him.

"So you came when you were told not to," he said. My shame filled me. "How could you do that to your Master. After all he has done for you. I just can't imagine you disrespecting him that much."

"Jase, I, ah.."

"It's Jason, to you. Especially after what you have done." He looked me over and added, "What happened to 'Sir?' Have you forgotten everything you were taught? "

"No, Sir." With tears rolling down my face.

"That's better." He left the room.

I stepped outside and looked around. I headed over to the lawn area and blushingly got down on all fours. I knew how ridiculous I looked. But I was not going to disobey Bobby again.

As I knelt there on all fours waiting for the piss to flow, I felt like I was on display and that made it even more difficult to piss. But I knew I couldn't leave until I had. I tried clearing my mind and relaxing and finally I began to piss. There on the lawn in the backyard of this house that I had just moved into, pissing like a dog. Fuck, was I messed up. But at least now, I knew I wanted to be here and to be Bobby's boy and to do what he said no matter what.

The way he obeyed me without hesitation, wow, what an example. It was like he didn't think about it, he just did it. And I knew that I always had a little bit of a filter going on, thinking, "I am going to do that? Or did he really ask me to do that?" I needed to get past that point.

I finished pissing and got up and walked back to the house. Thinking about being Bobby's boy made me wonder if he would still have me after what I had done. I had never seen him so disappointed and upset with me before.

I went back through the house and it seemed that every time I saw someone they were turning their backs to me and walking away. I managed to get back to our room without losing it. But I opened the door and saw that my stuff had been removed. That really hit me. I thought I would really lose it then.

I saw a note from Bobby on the desk. I opened it and read: "Dave, for the moment, I think it is best that you go back to your room. Spend some time getting caught up on your journal. I want you to spend some time thinking about what it means to me that you disobeyed me. Think about why you disobeyed me. When I have thought about this and I am ready to talk to you about this I will contact you.

"Bobby."

There were some clothes laid out. I used them and dressed, grabbed my backpack and headed out. I had tears streaming down my face as I headed down the stairs, out the door and back to my dorm. I got back there and saw that my computer and all was set up. That made me feel even worse.

I put my stuff down, logged onto the computer and began to input the events over the last couple of days. I finally caught up to the moment and began to write.

'Dear Journal, I have really fucked things up this time. I have taken the only thing, the only thing that mattered to me and fucked it up. I have betrayed the one man that meant something to me. I may have broken the one thing that was right in my life.

'I care more about this man, than anything in the world and by a stupid selfish act, I have hurt and angered him. I cannot believe I could be so stupid.

'It is like when my hand is on my cock that I lose all sense of rational, I just want to exist in the feelings and my cock takes over. I know that is just a rationalization, but it is what it feels like. I should be able to control myself and listen to his orders. But I fucked up because I didn't take charge and obey.

'I have thought of lots of stupid melodramatic things to do, Journal, like cutting off my cock, running away, or ending my life, but none of these would fix the issue or make either of us happy.

'I have made decisions in the last couple of days that affect my life, minute by minute. Decisions that are in some cases irreversible. And now it seems they were for naught.

'I miss hearing his voice. I miss seeing his face. I miss his orders. I miss being a part of his life and him a part of mine. I miss the fact that I can't talk to the one man who knows more about me than I do. The man who knows every secret thought and desire of mine, the man who can take me to the highest highs and the lowest lows.

'He has never betrayed the trust I gave him, but I have. I can't imagine him forgiving me. I want to explain and justify, but that would only amount to excuses. I want to apologize and beg for his forgiveness, but that is not going to fix what I have broken.

'If he takes me back, will I fuck up again and just hurt him more? I am so at a loss. I have wandered around and thought and cried and raked my brain for a way to get through this, but I can't see a way. Of course I want to be accepted back and to be cared for again, but that can't be, because I have betrayed him and angered him.

'Journal, I have no clue what to do. If he accepted me back, would my rules and bonds be tighter and stricter, so that he cannot enjoy me and I become a robot. And would it be worth living a life like that for either of us? I only know that I want to be with him.

'And Journal, the hardest thing to write is that I love him and have done this to him. I feel an aguish like I have never felt before. I hurt the one I love for a selfish act.

'Journal, I can't go on writing like this right now, because I will only dive deeper into depression and self pity. I feel like I could never have an appetite again, but must maintain in case he accepts me back.

'It feels a bit like that whole scenario about heroin. The first one is free and after that you have to pay and pay and pay, and you are hooked for life. In one way it feels like that. I can't imagine living without him, but in another way, I have to wonder, do I want to live my life addicted to his man. The answer, of course, is that it is not addiction, for me it is love. And it is not lust or just sex, but because I care what he thinks about me and how I do things and what I do. I want to have him use me for his pleasure. I want to give him my pain to give him pleasure. And the fact that he has taught me how to take pleasure from the pain is wonderful.'

I stopped typing and got up. It was dinnertime, but I wasn't hungry. I couldn't remember when the last time was that I ate. But I knew I wouldn't be any good to Bobby, if I didn't eat and got sick. So I went downstairs and to the cafeteria to eat. I got some stuff from the salad bar, and some sliced turkey or something and ate. There were guys there that I used to hang out with, but I couldn't see sitting with them and talking to them.

I sat there for a bit, eating and thinking and worrying. One of my friends from pre-Bobby came by and sat down. "What's up, Dave? Haven't seen you around much these days." He seemed genuinely interested. "You are looking kind of serious. Anything you want to talk about?"

"Thank you, but I just have some personal things I need to take care of. I appreciate your concern." I just couldn't bring myself to talk about what I had done to hurt the person I loved.

"Well, if you need to talk, just come by. Take care. Hey, and chin up, things are bound to get better."

"Thanks," I said, not sincerely at all.

I went out and walked around for an hour or two, rethinking all the things I could have done differently. I came back to the room and tried to get some sleep, but all I could do was see Bobby in my mind and his beautiful body. I cried and tossed and turned and managed to get an hour or so of sleep.

I got up and went to the showers and washed and dried without seeing anyone around me. I got dressed and headed out to class. I was just sitting there to be there. I couldn't hear anything that was said and I took no notes. In Dr. Welsh's class, I couldn't look up and make eye contact.

Someplace along the lines I had something else to eat, but I can't remember what. All I could see was Bobby. All I could do was think of him. I would think of his body and what we had done together and what I had learned about man to man sex. I would get hard and frustrated. I wanted him so badly.

I was just rehashing what I had been through before and there was nothing I could do to change anything, except to continue to live my life as I wanted it, doing everything he had instructed me. I went back to my room and stripped knowing I was to be naked at all times in my room. I shaved my crotch and worked on my journal correcting mistakes and typos.

I watched porn and got hot and wet, but more tears flowed as I thought of Bobby and me doing the things I was seeing on the screen of my computer. I was very leery of getting too close to the edge, as I did not want to cum again.

I kept thinking of how obedient Bobby was when he allowed me to give him directions. It made my heart ache again. I had to stop this, it wasn't doing either one of us any good.

I knew I wanted to be with Bobby more than ever. All the trials at the house had been a show, a display, a ritual, but being with Bobby and under his direction, just the two us, that was what was special, the thing that makes me whole. I needed that more and more.

That is, if he accepts me back. I checked my watch, it was 5:30 and I knew I would need to get some dinner soon, even though I knew I wasn't hungry. When I got up, I noticed an envelope under my door. It was addressed to me. I opened it and took out the note. I unfolded it and read:

'Davey,

'You hurt me very much with your actions, but I want to keep you,' my heart soared; 'I want us to be together. I feel that we have something very special and I want to see it grow and flourish.

'I can see now that you cannot be dominant. You only imagine yourself in the position of the sub and what they are experiencing. I on the other hand, enjoy using your body for my pleasure, allowing you to give me your pain for my pleasure.

'After you have read this and if you want to be with me, then get dressed, pack up your stuff and come back to the house.

'I thought about not accepting you back, but remember something I heard a school master say once. 'A boy that needs to be expelled is a boy that needs to be here.' And I think that is true, if a boy is bad enough that he needs to be let go, then this is a boy who needs a master.

'Remember that we will not repeat what happened before. I expect to never have you disobey me like that again. You will still be subject to all the rules of the house, with one additional. YOU MAY NOT CUM, UNLESS I TELL YOU TO, NO MATTER WHO TELLS YOU TO. So if Uncle tells you to cum, you must tell him that I am the only one that can give you that permission. He will understand. The same goes for the other men or boys of the house.

'Right now, you can plan on a long stretch without cumming. I think it will do you good. I still want you to get hard and wet, at least twice a day. I want you to stroke your cock, but do not cum.

'Do whatever you must to keep from cumming: ping your balls, squeeze the base of your cock very hard or flick the tip of it, but you will not cum.

'Each day you will have specific instructions on things you are to do. You will do them, when I am not around and the times we are together do not count towards you getting hard and wet.

'Davey, I would rather have a boy who is disobedient inadvertently, than a boy is disobedient by choice. It is the nature of boys to screw up. I am sure you will have your share of punishments for these actions, but that is just part of being my boy.

'So, if you are still standing there with this in your hand, but would rather be with me, then get dressed, packed and get your ass back to the house by 6 pm or you will be punished.

'Your Master,

'Bobby'

I looked at the clock and saw that I had 20 minutes! OH shit! I grabbed my clothes and pulled them on, then gathered up all the toys and things around the room and packed them up. I got it all into my backpack and ran out the door and down the steps.

I had to kick it into high gear to make it back to the house by 6 pm. I ran like my life depended on it. I dodged around people and leaped down stairs. People turned and looked at me as I sprinted across campus. I was pounding up the walk when I saw that Bobby was standing on the porch looking at his watch.

I stopped beside him and he said, "6 pm and 8 seconds, you're late!" I looked dejected at his first comment. But he reached over and hugged me. "You came back. I'm so glad! I knew you would, but had to see you to believe it. You will receive you punishment later, but right now it is time for dinner. Get those clothes off and put the stuff in our room," OUR Room, " and then get your ass downstairs for dinner." He squeezed me tightly and then released me, and with a smack on my ass, told me to get started.

I stripped off my clothes on the porch, grabbed them up and headed up the stairs at a trot. I put the stuff on the bed and headed back downstairs to the dinning room. I had not eaten here before. It was an interesting arrangement. All the men sat at the table at chairs, while their boys knelt or sat on the floor by their side. I went to Bobby and sat down beside him.

Uncle spoke up, "Tonight, we welcome Davey back into the house once again. He screwed up, but Bobby has accepted him back." I blushed at the comment of screwing up. "And I am sure that this is the last time we are going to have to welcome him into the house." There was some pounding on the tables and some "Here, here's", all very British sounding.

After that food was brought out by a couple of the boys. Once they had placed the food at the table, they took their place on the floor next to their appropriate man. Dishes were passed around. It all smelled wonderful and I was starving.

The men at the table carried on a conversation, totally ignoring the boys, who were all silent and attentive to their man. I loved to hear Bobby's voice. It always seemed so commanding. He reached down and patted my head now and then. Then he brought down a bite of meat and fed it to me. Once again, I was being thankful to his fingers.

I was back in the house! I didn't care what Bobby ordered me to do, or did to me, he had accepted me as his boy. Nothing could be better than that! I looked around at the other boys and saw them all looking up at their Master with the same _expression of devotion that I felt. I felt tears leak out of my eyes as I took it all in and sat contentedly at my Master's feet.

Bobby continued to feed me from his hand, allowing me to clean the juices or food off of his fingers. Then two of the boys got up and cleared the plates and food away. Bobby told me to get up. I stood and he leaned in and told me, "Go upstairs to our room. Take 3 clothespins out. Place one on each side of the flare of your cock and then one right across your piss hole. Leave them on for 2 full minutes from the time you get the last one on. While they are on, think abut thanking me for your punishment for being late. When you are finished, come down to the living room and tell me about it. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir," I said, and then added. "Thank you for punishing me, I deserve it."

"Good, boy"

I headed upstairs and after I had closed the door, I got out three clothespins and sat on the bed. I got my watch out where I could see it, and then I started the process. The first clip was excruciating. I had to breath deeply after it went on. I gained my composure and with trembling hands put on the second one. The pain doubled and I inhaled sharply, trying to breath away the pain. The third one was the hardest, but I knew I had to get it on quickly, otherwise the pain I was suffering from the first two counted for naught, until it was on. I gritted my teeth and applied the last clip. I gasped when I released it and it closed down on the head of my cock.

I held my breath for a while, trying to bear through the pain. I knew I deserved this, for being late. I was so glad he was punishing me, because it meant that he cared about me. If he didn't bother to punish me, it would be because he didn't care if I improved or not.

I watched the secondhand move very slowly around the watch. The pain increasing with every second they remained. Finally the two minutes were up. I removed them in the reverse order of putting them on. Each removal caused the blood to refill that area and a surge of pain pulsed in. When all three were off, I held my cock in my hand willing the pain away, but my cock just throbbed.

I put the pins away and straightened up the stuff I had brought in and then I headed down to the living room. Once again, the men were sitting in chairs and the boys were at their feet. I walked over and sat at Bobby's feet. Once seated, I looked up at him and said, "Thank you for the punishment, Sir, I deserved it."

"Good boy," he said and patted me on the head. I smiled. I was happy. Then Bobby surprised me by making an announcement, "Fellow members of the house, as you know, I have accepted Davey back as my boy. He has a couple of new rules. He is not to cum without my permission. I will dictate how and when he will cum. So none of you may order him to cum. Or rather you may order him to, but he may not cum.

"In addition, for a while, during a time of settling in, know that I will not share him with anyone. No one may use his mouth or his hole without my permission. I, for now, will not be granting that permission. You may still have him do whatever you want around the house and offer him any punishments that are necessary. And please feel free to humiliate him or embarrass him as you see fit in the house.

"Outside of the house, for the moment, he will not be exposing himself or jerking off in public, unless I direct it. I take seriously my responsibility to train him and want to control any actions outside of the house. Do you all agree?"

All the men spoke up and said that they agreed. The boys had no say. Uncle spoke then, "Bobby, you have chosen a good course for training Davey. I approve of your decision."

Then he looked around the room and said, "Well, enough of Bobby and Davey for the moment," he smiled, "It is time for a personal story. One of you will share some sexual experience from your past. It need not be one that makes you seem the sexual expert, in fact you may not be proud of it by now. But it is important to share these experiences. One, because you have no privacy here. And two, because it is important to hear how others have explored sex and learn from their experiences.

"You will also find that the more you share, the less you will find that you are not as unique as you might think you are. You may think that you have done or thought or dreamed something that makes you weird or odd or disgusting, or to quote one of our boys, 'A worthless piece of shit.' We do not accept shit into this house." He smiled and looked around the room. He wasn't nearly the pompous ass I had first thought.

"Do we have any volunteers?" He looked around the room. One of the boys that I didn't recognize, raised his hand. "Yes, Bruce, please tell your story. Is it a true experience or a dream or fantasy?

"It is a true story," he said. He was built like a rugby player: stocky, ruddy complexion, uncut cock and reddish brown hair on his head. He had no hair below his neck. He blushed a bit before he started his story, and it made me think of the way Bobby always gets me to blush. Bobby accepted me! I was back in the house! I was not so fucked up at the moment!
As always, thanks for the comments, remarks, personal experiences and ideas.  Write to harryrod575@yahoo.com

Have fun

harry